Homestuck: The Sgrub Delta
by ObsidianFlutes
Summary: (I have no shame. I'm just having fun with this.) On a planet known as Descensia, twelve young trolls follow in the footsteps of their ancestors in the game that led to the initial creation of their planet.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

A young lady stands in her respiteblock on a planet named Descensia. It just so happens that today, the 10th of September 2016, is this young lady's wriggling day. While it was 6 sweeps ago that she was given life, only today will she be given a name!

What will this young lady's name be?

== Enter name.

Your name is REGINA MEGIDO. You are a TROLL. You have a great passion for FLOWERS and grow many varieties inside your hive. You are also an avid ASTROLOGIST and PHOTOGRAPHER. Your respiteblock is littered with SEED PACKETS, VARIOUS STUFFED BEASTS and PHOTOGRAPHS, and your walls are completely covered in POSTERS OF ILLUSTRIOUS TROLLS. Your trollhandle is **astrologicalAmaryllis** and **while some phind your spelling and mannerisms endearing, many ophten think it's a touch annoying.**

What will you do?

== Regina: Examine posters on walls.

Your walls are covered with posters depicting just some of your many idols and heroes, many of whom were real trolls who existed sweeps and sweeps before you and your friends. You could name every single troll by heart, as well as their titles and even their blood colors. There are some humans on this wall too.

These two are your particular favorites. The one on the left depicts one of your ancestors, THE MAID OF TIME. You idolize her above most other trolls and want to be just like her when you grow up. She is so awesome. You remember that her name was ARADIA.

This one on the right depicts a human. You have no idea why you like this one so much, because it's nowhere near as awesome as the picture of your ancestor. But you know exactly who it is: it's a picture of a boy named JAKE, also known as the PAGE OF HOPE. You tend to gravitate towards this poster nonetheless.

== Regina: Captchalogue camera.

You pick up your trusty TROLLAROID CAMERA and stash it in your FLOWER MODUS. It goes into the "core card" and can be accessed safely as long as there are no "petal cards" surrounding it.

It looks like one of your pals is harassing you online.

== Regina: Answer pal.

\- **atomicTranscension began trolling astrologicalAmaryllis at 19:29** -

AT: hey hi hello what's up cmon answer me regina  
AT: regina?  
AT: rrreeegggiiinnnaaa  
AA: ok ok i'm right here! jeez! what's up?  
AT: WELL  
AT: I WAS TOLD TO LET YOU KNOW  
AT: THAT SOME EXTREME SHIT IS GOING DOWN HERE LIKE SOME REAL EXTREME SHIT THAT CANT EVEN -  
AA: do you think maybe you could dephine "some real extreme shit" phor me right now? :P  
AT: i just got off a chat with ta  
AT: it turns out that he did p much the exact same thing that our ancestors did i think  
AT: im gonna get right down to it we gotta game to play between the um... between the many of us  
AA: context, man! i need it! are you going to phyll me in or what?  
AA: ...you guys are just gonna drop me in headphirst without even telling me anything about what we're doing aren't you...  
AA: look, you and ta are some oph my best phriends, and i love ya, but a little context would be nice -  
AT: LOOK REGINA  
AT: ITS BEST IF YOU DONT LEARN ABOUT THIS RIGHT AWAY  
AT: IM ATTACHING A FILE YOU CAN INSTALL FOR CONVENIENCE AND EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW IS THEREIN  
AA: all right, phine... who else is in on this?  
AT: pretty much everyone  
AT: look regina there isnt a lot of time to explain  
AT: just start up and well see you on the other side okay?  
AA: okay... see you inside, i guess? :P  
AA: later! X)  
AT: OKAY BYE REGINA  
AT: SEE YOU LATER  
AT: SAFE TRAVELS

\- **atomicTranscension ceased trolling astrologicalAmaryllis** -

== Regina: Install game files.

You double-click on the two files that your pal has sent you, installing both the SGRUB DELTA client and server. Your laptop immediately starts making whirring noises and heating up at the base. You really think you should upgrade at some point. Your lusus naturae looks on from the edge of your recuperacoon, where she likes to sit.

You watch the loading bar creep across. When it finally finishes, you see a message that a server player is connecting to you.

It looks like that server player is trying to connect to you in multiple fashions, actually.

== Regina: Answer pal.

 **\- twofoldArtistry began trolling astrologicalAmaryllis at 20:05 -**

TA: everibodi sai HEI  
TA: everibodi sai HO  
AA: hey! ho! :D  
AA: are you connecting to me?  
TA: y sure am syster  
TA: and y've got at up here makyng a roial mess of mi hyve.  
TA: lysten regyna  
TA: do iou have the server copi ynstalled?  
AA: just say the word and i'll connect with whoever.  
AA: how would one go about doing that anyway?  
TA: we're gonna daysi chayn our connectyons one after another  
TA: y'm connectyng to iou, ats connected to me et cetera  
TA: iou're goyng to connect to cg and so on.  
TA: y wyll contynue to relai ynstructyons to iou, all iou need to worri about ys doyng all the shyt iou have to do for cg. got yt?  
AA: got it. or, got yt!  
TA: :D  
TA: okai regyna, talk to iou yn a byt!

 **\- twofoldArtistry ceased trolling astrologicalAmaryllis -**

== Regina: Be the other guy.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

You are now the other guy. Who's this bespectacled fellow?

== Enter name.

Your name is CARMEL NITRAM. You are the latest in a long and distinguished line of IMPERIAL CAVALREAPERS, despite your lower-than-most caste on the hemospectrum. You enjoy GAMES OF CHANCE, TRIVIA, CARDS and FANTASY GAMES. Your favorite game of all time is TROLL DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS, and you often serve as the dungeon master when you play with your friends. You sometimes dabble in CASUAL NUCLEAR SCIENCE, which you find challenging and fun but sometimes causes explosions which damage your hive. Though you are not sure why, your BACK SOMETIMES GETS INTENSELY ITCHY. Your trollhandle is **atomicTranscension** and **your manner of speaking fluctuates threefold AS YOU GET EXCITED EASILY.**

== Carmel: Examine room.

Oh, my. What a mess you've made in here. You just had some friends over for a rousing game of FIDUSPAWN, and there are cards and oogonibombs everywhere. Some are floating atop the sopor slime in your recuperacoon. Not that you have much of a problem with that, though. Your large horns keep you from completely submerging yourself, and since you sleep with your mouth open, that's probably for the best. You don't want to be eating that slime either, because it's been known to mess with a troll's head.

== Carmel: Examine poster.

This is your prized poster for your favorite movie, "Hook." You think Troll Robin Williams was brilliant as an adult Pupa Pan, and you are always proud to remember that one of your distant ancestors played one of the Lost Trolls.

It looks like someone is hassling you. Oh, goodness, you don't want to have to deal with them right now.

== Carmel: Answer troll.

 **\- gratuitousCrass began trolling atomicTranscension at 18:27 -**

GC: H3Y, LOS3R.  
AT: groan  
AT: why  
AT: look i am unable to deal with you right now okay  
GC: tough nuts, bullsh1t boy. you know you w4nt m3. why don't w3 go h4t3 snog?  
AT: WHY IF I DIDNT KNOW ANY BETTER I WOULD SAY THE MADEMOISELLE IS CALIGINOUSLY HITTING ON ME  
AT: I WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGIZE MADAM FOR I DO NOT ROLL THAT WAY  
AT: MAKE THIS QUICK WHAT DO YOU WANT  
GC: WH4T DO 1 W4NT?  
GC: 1 w4nt to pl4y 4 g4m3. ;)  
GC: SP3C1F1C4LLY TH3 ON3 T4 S3NT M3 4 MOM3NT 4GO.  
GC: b3s1d3s, c4rm3l, 1t's not l1k3 you h4v3 4nyth1ng b3tt3r to do r1ght now.  
AT: i suppose that is true  
AT: although for the record i just finished such a wicked game of fiduspawn  
AT: hive is a mess though }XO  
GC: 1S YOUR B4CK BOTH3R1NG YOU R1GHT NOW?  
AT: SHOOSH DONT TALK ABOUT IT OR ITLL START ITCHING  
AT: SHIT I THINK IT HEARD YOU  
AT: FUCK THERE IT FUCKING GOES ITS SO ITCHY I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW FUCK  
GC: d1dn't r3g1n4 s3nd you lot1on?  
AT: yeah  
AT: it worked pretty well  
AT: but then i ran out }X( also fuck you again for bringing up my back it is so gogdamned motherfucking itchy  
GC: TSK TSK. YOUR LUSUS 4ND 4NC3STORS WOULD B3 SO 4SH4MED OF YOU.  
GC: th1nk of how poor sw33t ruf1oh would b3 blush1ng.  
AT: LOOK I DONT CARE THE POINT IS THIS WHOLE CONVO IS GOING DOWNHILL  
AT: YOURE HITTING ON ME AND THERE ARE FIDUSPAWN CARDS EVERYWHERE AND MY BACK WILL NOT STOP _FUCKING **ITCHING!  
**_ AT: A;LKDJFSYDITKR;ASIDFJA;SDKFJAIOUSDFJ FUCK YOU  
GC: H3R3 4R3 TH3 G4M3 F1L3S.  
GC: 1'll t4lk to you l4t3r. ;)

 **\- gratuitousCrass ceased trolling atomicTranscension -  
**

== Carmel: Attempt to scratch back.

Stupid lousy gogdamn stupid idiot bitch. Your back is so itchy.

== Carmel: Locate source of cool water.

You walk outside your hive, followed closely by your lusus naturae, and find the nearby lake. You decide to climb in, letting it cool you down.

A display on your glasses alerts you that a friend is trying to contact you.

== Carmel: Answer TA.

 **\- twofoldArtistry began trolling atomicTranscension at 18:43 -**

TA: carmel? are iou there?  
AT: yeah im here  
AT: just having an evening soak in the lake  
AT: whats up  
TA: y just got off a communycatyon wyth gc  
AT: DAMN GC  
AT: I AM SO MAD AT HER RIGHT NOW  
AT: ALSO I THINK SHE IS HITTING ON ME  
TA: wayt what the fuck?!  
TA: wayt just one marvelous second  
TA: are iou tellyng me  
TA: what y thynk iou are tellyng me?  
AT: shut up  
AT: i think shes looking for a kismesissitude with me  
AT: in fact i am a hundred percent certain of it  
TA: HA HA OH MAN THAT YS RYCH!  
TA: GC AND CARMEL SYTTYNG YN A TREE  
TA: K-Y-S-S-Y-N-G  
TA: or rather h-a-t-e-space-s-n-o-g-g-y-n-g  
AT: WOULD YOU SHUT UP AND STOP BEING SO IMMATURE  
AT: YOUR STUPID QUIRK WITH THE YS IS NOT HELPING AT ALL  
AT: LOOK IM NOT IN A GREAT MOOD JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT  
TA: ok. fyrst of all, rude.  
TA: second, y sent the copyes of the game code to gc. she probabli alreadi contacted iou about them?  
AT: she did  
AT: once im out of the lake ill install them on my laptop  
AT: who else is in on this  
TA: who ysn't at thys poynt?  
TA: yf iou connect as mi server plaier, y'll connect to regyna and we'll just stryng our games together  
TA: lyke a flower crown  
TA: got yt?  
AT: YEP  
AT: ALRIGHT, I GOT IT  
AT: ONCE IM OUT OF THE LAKE ILL INSTALL THE SOFTWARE  
TA: ryght on  
TA: catch iou later carmel!  
AT: bye  
AT: catch you on the flip side  
AT: have a good evening

 **\- twofoldArtistry ceased trolling atomicTranscension -**

== Carmel: Get out of the lake.

You climb out of the lake and shake yourself off like a woofbeast. Your clothes are soaking wet but at least you are comfortable.

You walk into your hive and sit down at your laptop.

== Carmel: Install SGRUB Delta.

You follow the instructions on the server copy and connect to TA, scrolling through the different options on your interface for machines to deploy.

It looks like your server player is trying to connect to you.

 **\- gratuitousCrass began trolling atomicTranscension at 19:00 -**

GC: H3Y, C4RM3L.  
GC: wh3r3 do1ng th1s m4n.  
GC: WH3R3 M4K1NG TH1S H4PP3N. :)

== Carmel: Be someone else.


	3. Chapter 3

Well, well. Who's this young man?

== Enter name.

Your name is TRITOS CAPTOR. You are a GOLD-BLOODED TROLL with SOMEWHAT DIMINISHED PSIONIC POWERS due to an INCIDENT when you were younger that took an eye. You are accomplished in PROGRAMMING and COMPUTERS, as well as a TALENTED THESPIAN. You enjoy ACTING AND DRAMA, and can quote many of your favorite PLAYS by heart. Your trollhandle is **twofoldArtistry** and **iour speech patterns vari from archayc to yntenseli confusyng.**

What will you do?

== Tritos: Put finishing touches on program.

You've been working on a game for a long time that you intend to play with your friends. You've named it after an event that affected your ancestors and your friends' ancestors: SGRUB, the Delta Version. You're almost done and ready to send it to your friends.

Just a little code there... a splash of data there... run a troubleshooting program... and...

Oh, my. Someone is attempting to contact you.

== Tritos: Check Trollian.

 **\- chromiumGlory began trolling twofoldArtistry at 16:28 -**

CG: goodafternoon TRITOSHOW isthat GAMECOMING alongnow?  
TA: whi are iou botheryng me? y was lyteralli almost fynyshed!  
CG: ohwell IMSORRY tobother YOURIGHT nowbut INEED totalk TOYOU likebadly.  
TA: all ryght, but thys had better be good...  
CG: mylusus JUSTDIED justa MOMENTAGO  
TA: oh.  
TA: y'm... y'm sorri.  
TA: do iou...  
TA: do iou want to talk about yt?  
CG: wellim NOTVERY comfortablewith TALKINGABOUT itat THISMOMENT  
CG: ijust NEEDSOMEONE tobe ABLETO speakwith MERIGHT nowcause IMSTRESSED  
CG: justsomeone TOBE online WITHME youknow?  
TA: okai y can do that... but y'm goyng to have to go ydle whyle y work. ys that alryght?  
CG: thatwill BEFINE thankyou VERYMUCH

 **\- twofoldArtistry is now an idle troll. -**

You turn back to your programming and run the final troubleshooting program. All systems are go, so you save the files: SGRUBDELTACLIENT/CAKE and SGRUBDELTASERVER/CAKE.

== Tritos: Lean back contentedly in your chair.

You lean back too far in your chair and fall flat on your back on the ground. Your resulting indignant roars of pain awaken your lusus naturae. Oh fuck, it must be feeding time.

== Tritos: Deal with your lusus.

You rise from the ground, cursing profusely and rubbing the rising bump on the back of your skull, and make your way to your beekeeping equipment. This structure is where you raise bees which make mind honey for your lusus, as is traditional for yellow bloods such as yourself. Though you despise the task, you do grudgingly admit that it prevents him from roaring all night and shooting his psionics everywhere.

Just before you can make your way up to the roof to feed your lusus the mind honey, a notification pops up on your laptop.

== Tritos: Check notification.

It's a message from CG. He's asking to be the last person to join the game. That shouldn't be a problem - you'll slot him in after Regina, and she can deal with him on her own. But you currently have much larger, hungrier, and stupider matters on your hands.

== Tritos: Proceed to roof.

There he is. Your big, stupid BICYCLOPS himself. A bicyclops may be a traditional lusus, but dear gog, can it be a hard one to deal with. All he does is roar and drool, and that's after the mind honey.

Open wide, you filthy animal - yes, either one will do.

== Tritos: Return to laptop.

GC is talking to you. What does she want?

== Tritos: Answer GC.

 **\- gratuitousCrass began trolling twofoldArtistry at 17:00 -**

 **\- twofoldArtistry is no longer an idle troll. -**

GC: TR1TOS!  
GC: how y4 do1n buddy?!  
GC: 1 H34RD TH3R3 1S 4 G4M3 TO B3 PL4Y3D?  
TA: ies, there ys yndeed, but iou mai have to wayt, myssi.  
TA: y'm sendyng the fyles wyth specyfycs on who the clyent player ys. the onli varyable ys that gc requested to be the last one yn for whatever reason. maibe yt's because hys lusus dyed, whych ys a shame even under the best of cyrcumstances.  
GC: 1 h34rd. poor guy.  
TA: that's whi y'm havyng regyna act as hys server plaier.  
TA: speakyng of whych... iou're goyng to act as the server plaier for carmel, yf y'm not mystaken.  
GC: OK, C4N DO, BUT S3R1OUSLY? YOU'R3 ST1CK1NG M3 W1TH N1TR4M?  
GC: 1f h3 4cts 4s l4m3 4s h3 sounds onl1n3, 1 sw34r to gog.  
TA: iou wyll do nothyng of the sort or iou wyll have to go through me and regyna.  
GC: 1 W4S K1DD1NG.  
GC: 1 prom1s3 1'll b3 n1c3. ;)  
TA: y've got mi eie on iou, gyrl.

 **\- twofoldArtistry attached files SGRUBDELTACLIENT/CAKE and SGRUBDELTASERVER/CAKE. -**

 **\- gratuitousCrass ceased trolling twofoldArtistry -**

You go on to have a conversation with Carmel, which we've already read.

== Tritos: Start the daisy chain.

 **\- NEW MESSAGE TO: crystalCultivation FROM: twofoldArtistry -**

hei there... fygured synce iou're technycalli the begynnyng of our chayn, iou should have these. iour clyent plaier ys tc. pass yt on, and so forth. -trytos c.

 **\- END OF MESSAGE -**

== Tritos: Connect to your server and client players.

TA: what was that noyse?  
TA: y swear to fuckyng GOG carmel...  
TA: ys that mi load gaper?!  
AT: IM SORRY  
AT: I NEEDED ROOM FOR THE ALCHEMITER  
AT: DO YOU WANT TO NOT ENTER THE MEDIUM?  
TA: wow iou are beyng ynsufferable ryght now  
TA: did iou send regyna the files?  
AT: yep  
AT: she should be ready to enter soon  
AT: in the meantime gc is making a mess of my hive, but at least my lusus is a sprite now  
TA: oh  
TA: man the lusyy are droppyng lyke flyes  
TA: yt would probabli be best yf iou put mi byciclops yn mi spryte  
TA: at least he'll be actyng lyke less of an ydyot.  
AT: CAN DO  
AT: WAIT WHAT WAS THAT?!  
AT: TRITOS, I'M SORRY. I GOTTA RUN. I'LL BE BACK IN A MOMENT.  
TA: wayt what?

 **\- CONNECTION LOST -**

== Tritos: Be someone else.


	4. Chapter 4

Wow. This guy... You're not too keen on meeting this guy. Regardless, let's meet him anyway.

== Enter name.

Your name is KEREGN VANTAS. Holy fuck do you have ISSUES, or you think you do. You enjoy SHITTY MOVIES, CHEMICAL ART, and ATTEMPTING TO OUTWEIGH YOUR UNUSUALLY LOW HEMOSPECTRUM CASTE. Your lusus naturae just died, and you are being contacted by a certain Miss Regina Megido to participate in a game that you and eleven other trolls will be playing. Your trollhandle is **chromiumGlory** and **yourspeech PATTERNSARE noticeablybipolar.**

What will you do?

== Keregn: Talk to server player.

 **\- chromiumGlory began trolling astrologicalAmaryllis at 20:15 -**

CG: reginawhat AREYOU doingwith MYLUSUS?  
AA: i'm prototyping it. let this happen, keregn!  
CG: i'muncomfortable WITHTHIS.  
AA: kg, listen to me. i just spoke with tritos, and what has to happen is that all our "kernel sprites" - that's that glowing silvery thing - need to be "prototyped" at least once bephore we enter the "medium."  
AA: i'm not completely sure what all that is supposed to mean, but your lusus will be just the thing.  
AA: and you'll be able to speak with him, which is also a good thing :)  
CG: reginayou KNOWI takeeverything TRITOSSAYS verymuch TOHEART  
CG: butregardless I'MAFRAID ican't LETYOU dothis!  
AA: KEREGN VANTAS, LISTEN TO WHAT I'M SAYING TO YOU.  
AA: OUR SUCCESS IN THIS GAME AND OUR SURVIVAL DEPEND ON SHOVING THINGS INTO THESE KERNELS.  
AA: NOW SHUT UP AND LET ME PUT THIS DEAD CRAB IN THE GLOWY THING.  
CG: ...  
CG: YOUARE sometimesnot VERYNICE  
AA: X)  
CG: allright FINEGO aheadand DESECRATEMY lusus'corpse.  
AA: will do, vantas. while you're at it, here's your punched card. you know what to do, don't you?  
CG: IALREADY gotall THEDETAILS fromtritos.  
AA: ...  
AA: mr vantas... how do you pheel about tritos, exactly?  
AA: are you maybe... seeking something with mr captor?  
AA: something... romantic?  
AA: something...  
AA: pale?  
CG: ...  
CG: NOCOMMENT.  
AA: whatever, it's cool. i'll deal with the sprite and you deal with the card, okay? see you later!  
CG: soundsgood. BYEREGINA!

 **\- astrologicalAmaryllis ceased trolling chromiumGlory -**

== Keregn: Consult with client player.

You stick a CRUXITE DOWEL in the TOTEM LATHE, insert your PRE-PUNCHED CARD, and return to your laptop, where someone has been pestering you. Darn, you forgot about her, right at a bad time.

 **\- crystalCultivation began trolling chromiumGlory at 20:24 -**

CC: )(-E-E-EY, Vantas! Aren't you my client player?  
CG: thatis INDEEDTHE caseyes.  
CC: So, doesn't t)(at mean you s)(ould be, you know, like, CONN-ECT-ED to me rig)(t now?! 38?  
CG: IAPOLOGIZE iwas SPEAKINGWITH reginamy SERVERPLAYER.  
CC: you DO )(ave the files, rig)(t?  
CG: ido.  
CG: HOWELSE wouldi BECONNECTED rightnow?  
CC: Don't you seam a touc)( P-ECKFIS)( today. W)(at's on your mind, KV?  
CG: MYLUSUS.  
CG: itdied ALITTLE whileago.  
CC: O)(. T)(at's a s)(ame. I was looking s)(oreward to meeting your crab daddy. I LOV-E crabs.  
CC: Gl'bgolyb is still V-ERY much)( kicking, but some)(ow I don't t)(ink t)(at will continue to be the case.  
CG: OKAYLOOK idon't HAVETIME foryour LITTLETANGENTS rightnow!  
CG: IHAVE twodifferent GAMESTO setup.  
CG: MYOWN, andyours.  
CC: WOW, cool your jets Vantas, now ain't a time to be getting all upset.  
CC: Just drop all t)(e glubbing game s)(it in my )(ive and go deal wit)( your own problems, sound good?  
CG: YOUDID nothave TOPHRASE itin THATMANNER butalright.  
CG: imassuming THATYOU knowwhat TODO.  
CC: Dam glubbing STRAIG)(T.  
CG: allright THENILL leaveyou TOIT.  
CC: S-EA YA!

 **\- crystalCultivation ceased trolling chromiumGlory -**

== Keregn: Do the thing for CC.

You deploy the objects in the game's PHERNALIA REGISTRY throughout CC's hive, preparing her for a successful entry into the game.

You hear clicking behind you.

== Keregn: Consult with Crabsprite.

While you are glad to see your beloved custodian in a sentient form once again, you are a touch dismayed to find that this form is substantially more... chatty.

CRABSPRITE: Hey keregn nice to see ya hey how you doing buddy give me some claw man how bout that!  
KEREGN: buti CAN'TBECAUSE idon't WANTTO prototypemyself.  
CRABSPRITE: Oh yeah that's right gosh i forgot buddy! Silly me haha!  
KEREGN: CRABDADI'M notin SUCHA greatmood RIGHTNOW somaybe...  
CRABSPRITE: Oh sorry keregn i did not know, i will try to be more considerate in the future, haha!  
CRABSPRITE: Wait hold on k, theres a bit of grub sauce on your cheek...  
KEREGN: CRABDAD! DON'T TOUCH ME!  
CRABSPRITE: Oh whoops i forgot again sorry :[  
KEREGN: LE SIGN...

== Keregn: Check cruxtruder.

Oh, goodness. You've almost forgotten that the cruxtruder was counting down this whole time. You grab your CARVED DOWEL, stick it in the ALCHEMITER, and grab the silvery plank of cruxite wood. With seconds left until meteor impact, you break it over your knee... and...

== Keregn: Quick, before it's too late, be someone else in the near past!


End file.
